Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
time to smoke my breakfast
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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