Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
