My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize