I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
