Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
