I wish they made helmets for livers.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
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