i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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