Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
