I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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