I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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