What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Randomize
