My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
