mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
