maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
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