i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
