I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
