i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Randomize
