He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
