eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
