the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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