I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
