Will you blow on my dice?
I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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