how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Randomize