She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I wish there were birth control emojis
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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