Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
