what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
