life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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