so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
