I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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