I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
