Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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