I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
