Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
