yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Another day, another engagement, another cat
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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