Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize