I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
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