I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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