Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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