I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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