During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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