no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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