I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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