Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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