I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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