Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
i barfeds in our rink
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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