yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Randomize
