thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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