At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
