You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
