Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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