So is it bad that I'm using this 21 year old for his hot bod and utter naivety?
No its what 21 year olds are made for
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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