he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I'm always down for nudity.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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