Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
She even gives head with a lisp.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
