Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
