I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize