I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
this is an emotional support booty call
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
