I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Randomize
