I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Randomize
