does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
