I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
