I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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