I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Naked Twister starts at high noon
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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