Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
