Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Randomize
