Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
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