Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Randomize
