....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
