party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
