god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
