My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
