Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize