I smell stomach acid.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
